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| its these emotions consuming me slowly but rapidly. bit by bit, it hurts a little more... all I want is to hide under the covers where I can feel a little protected. I want something new...
i'm confused like a frozen person,unable to do anything
i'm not making sense but i don't care. i know there has to be someone who understands me
and i need that person now
I don't think i can pick myself up this time
i don't know i don't know.............I need a way to let go | | |
| it's 4 07am and I can't fall asleep...
i have writers block.....I want to make sense..but I just want to write...so Im just going to do it, and let it come to me.......
i feel incomplete.......i'm still sick..... will i ever get better????????????
i am laying on my bed...in my dark room, in my black tshirt. messy wavy hair, light purple fingernails. legs tangled in blankets..stacie orrico on repeat....
little questions come and go through my mind...
"what should I bake tomrrow?"
"will I even wake up early?"
"will I do everything on my to do list tomorrow?"
big questions clogging my mind...
"am i happy?"
"whats wrong?"
"who am I?"
"who is there?"
"where did they all go?"
one answer: "i don't know..."
I feel my eyelids getting a little heavier.....its now 4 33am
my heart goes out to the people in haiti.......... | | |
| Have you ever felt like you were being yourself but there are just so many sides of you, you just don't know which one are you really? Its my own constant battle...I've been really frustrated with myself because I don't know who I am or what am i supposed to do. My created image of who I prefer myself to be is someone strong who doesn't worry, doesn't think too much, spontaneous but reasonable, own's laughter not being hidden by tears, someone REAL...I wnat to be real, I am real...I want to be myself but who is Michelle, really? I know I'm not as quiet as everyone sees me to be, or maybe I am? I'm not as expressive as everyone else, but that doesn't make me shy. Am i really in a conflict with myself or with everyone around me, judging me? Or stuck in this image that everyone creates me as, so I just stick with it. No. Because theyre all wrong about me. "Who knows you better than yourself?" I should know who i am but sometimes I think Im really a mystery and I wish I stopped believing in everything and dropped all things that have any meaning. I dont want to believe in anything anymore, because it will just consume me.
"Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself."
but really, I don't know what i want. | | |
| Name: Michelle
Date: 12/11/2009
Colorgenics Number: 45021376
You have a vivid imagination and this is good. Great inventors, explorers all had inventive, imaginative minds. Your friends and acquaintances may consider you over-imaginative and given to fantasy or day-dreaming. So what ? this is a part of your character and charm.
Everything seems to be going against you at this time. Try as you may you are meeting with considerable resistance at every turn. Nothing is going as you would plan. The situation is difficult and you are trying to persist in your objectives against resistance. It would appear that you are being very secretive about your future plans just in case people around you try to thwart you.
You feel unhappy because you feel that you are not able to obtain the co-operation of those around you. All you would like at this time would be to achieve harmony within your circle.
You are an emotional, sincere and impressionable individual experiencing frustration and unnecessary stress. You vehemently resist any form of pressure from outside sources, insisting on your independence as an individual. You want to be a decision maker - to make up your own mind without interference. You wish to be able to draw your own conclusions and arrive at your own decisions. You detest uniformity and mediocrity as you want to be regarded as one who gives authoritative opinions. Your favourite expression could well be that 'I may not always be right but I am never wrong'. You're a perfectionist and even though you may feel that the other person's point of view may be right, you find it extremely difficult to admit that you could be wrong.
You feel that you need to move on. You feel that you are not appreciated or valued for what you are and that the time is 'now'. Failure to do so will not afford you the conditions to prove your worth. | | |
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